New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
