if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
