ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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