My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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