fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
