She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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