Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
