you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
