Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
