My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
