I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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