the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
