that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
