I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
