Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
