hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
