sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
