Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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