When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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