all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
