anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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