If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
