the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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