glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
