I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
