Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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