Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
