Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
