You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
if only i could text you this smell
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
