; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
