The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
