I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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