If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
