Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
