I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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