So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
