dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
