I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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