Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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