Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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