haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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