First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
