So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
