Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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