If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
