I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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