we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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