dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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