nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
handjob tips. give me some.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
