I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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