either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Randomize
