Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
