I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
